were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
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since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize