mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
