I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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