Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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