He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone came in the potted fern
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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