i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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