i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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