***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
