Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize