I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
