Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
