is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
