Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
