Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
