I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
