Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He did a backflip because drugs
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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