they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
