You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
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I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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