So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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