that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
