I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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