I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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