Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
