A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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