i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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