You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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