so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
