I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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