she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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