why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
