Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
