the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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