i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
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so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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