You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
