I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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