his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
