it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
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Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
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I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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