i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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