You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
