OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
