The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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