I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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