so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
