why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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