i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Randomize
