Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Duck Duck Cougar?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
