my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
