Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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