Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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