Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
