I hate all girls vehemently.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
