Got a toothbrush?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
MIDGETS
????
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
