2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
there's paper in my vomit.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
