Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We're too hungover to prance.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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