One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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