elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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