just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
