Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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