i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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