I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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