put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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