If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize