You work out of a Hotel?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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