Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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